


You Were Only Next Door

by ABCece



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe - Bar/Pub, Changkyun is an edgy boi, Dad Kihyun, Eventual relationship, F/M, M/M, Married Kihyun, Rating May Change, Slice of Life, The other band members will show up just not yet, There is going to be so much angst, Village AU, background showhyuk, but still adorable, older Kihyun, slowburn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-30
Updated: 2019-03-07
Packaged: 2019-10-19 11:07:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 17,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17600147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ABCece/pseuds/ABCece
Summary: Kihyun has lived in the same village since he was sixteen. Married at twenty-three. First child at twenty-five. Everything has always been simple and routine. Then one day the neighbours' son moves back home from college and it's like standing in an uncontrollable sea wind.Or, Changkyun shows Kihyun how to experience things he'd never dreamed of doing before.





	1. A lighthouse in the dark

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so excited about this! I've been wanting to write this for ages it's going to be so fun. This is only a shortish chapter to set up the premise and introduce the characters but expect for chapters to get longer in future updates.

The first thing Kihyun thought when he saw Changkyun smoking on the porch of the neighbour’s house was that he looked lonely. It was a blue time of day, that part of the evening where the sky is almost black but not yet, past a sunset but not quite a night sky, and the little orange wick of his cigarette looked like the ebbing and brightening of a lighthouse with no-one to guide to safety. The rain that was falling in a heavy wash had plastered his dark hair to his forehead but he didn’t seem bothered, only enough effort in him to cup a hand over the head of his cigarette so it didn’t go out.

‘Who are you?’ he asked when he noticed Kihyun struggling to carry two heavy shopping bags up the path to his own house. And he hadn’t really expected the boy to speak to him so it took him a moment to respond.

‘Kihyun,’ he said as he adjusted one of the bags in his grip. ‘Who are you?’

‘Changkyun.’ A long drag of the cigarette. A bright orange lighthouse. ‘Are you my neighbour?’ He laughed a dry, cynical kind of chuckle as he spoke and the smoke that plumed from his lips looked like mist over the sea.

Kihyun hated the rain because he hated the way that it made his skin itch. His body was slick and he longed for his shower but he still slowed his descent up the stairs to his front door to face the boy on the neighbouring porch. 

He thought Changkyun looked like a contradiction. There was an innocence in the roundness of his cheeks and the heart shape of his lips when he puckered around the roll in his fingers, but he was also angular. A strong nose and neat, straight eyebrows. He had a piercing in one of those sharp eyebrows and the charms on the ring of it jingled loud enough for Kihyun to hear when he frowned.

‘Depends,’ Kihyun said, ‘I always thought the Lim’s lived in that house and you don’t look like either of them.’

‘Ah so you’ve met my parents. How unfortunate for you.’

‘They’re tolerable enough.’ Kihyun went to open his front door but it was locked. The rain was heavy enough to catch in his fine eyelashes, making his lids droop as he put his shopping bags on the floor and patted at his pockets to find where he’d put his keys.

‘But “fine” is hardly a glowing review now is it, Kihyun?’ Changkyun replied and when Kihyun looked at him his eyes were dancing with amusement. He was smiling, his tongue bitten between his front teeth and there was the distinct shadow of a metal bar there too. 

‘No-one ever teach you to respect your elder, kid?’ Kihyun asked as he slipped his key into the lock. He could hear activity on the other side of the door, the telltale melodic high pitch of Muriel in the lounge, and it was soothing even through a thick panel of wood.

‘Never had any elders worth respecting,’ Changkyun said and Kihyun had to laugh at the brashness of it all. Changkyun’s whole presence radiated this strange energy that he wasn’t quite sure what to think of, all of his words were abrasive and sharp but he couldn’t find it in himself to be offended by it. Maybe because he’d always thought the Lim’s were pompous and arrogant too. There was no offence to be taken in something he agreed with.

‘I’ll see you round, Kihyun,’ Changkyun said, nodding to him when he got the door unlocked. Kihyun looked back over to him as he stomped out the butt of his cigarette on the concrete with the toe of his thick black boot. And he really did look lonely. There was something sad and guarded there.

‘I’m sure you will,’ he replied, picked up his shopping bags again. ‘Bye, Changkyun.’

‘Bye,’ Changkyun said, and the word smelled like smoke even from their distance.

 

 

The flood of warmth and brightness that washed over Kihyun when he stepped through his front door and into the lounge was like that feeling of putting freezing cold hands under a hot tap. His body tingled with the change of it.

Kihyun loved his home. Loved the shoddily built IKEA furniture that wobbled if you looked at it too hard and the wallpaper thats pattern didn’t quite match up with each of its neighbouring sheets. He loved how Nic always insisted on having the heating on when it was cold outside even though they couldn’t really afford it because she didn’t want Muriel getting sick. He loved the constant sound of happy children’s TV shows blasting in the front room regardless of whether or not Muriel was in there. 

The air was clogged thick with the pleasant smell of rich pasta sauce, like garlic, basil, tomatoes, and it smelled familiar and welcoming. Kihyun toed his shoes from his feet and trudged through the lounge. Muriel squealed with delight when she noticed him from where she was playing with some messy looking dolls in the corner of the room and waddled over to him as quickly as her small clumsy feet would carry her.

‘Daddy!’ she cried through a gap-toothed smile before colliding head-first with Kihyun’s stomach. The force of it shook some of the rain from his hair to splatter across the floor. He made a noise like he’d been shot and buckled forward, putting on a show, and she clapped her hands and shrieked with laughter. To Kihyun, that was the happiest sound on the planet.

‘Hey, baby girl.’ He cooed and dropped the shopping to his feet in favour of sweeping Muriel into a big bear hug. He stood with her wrapped in his arms and she continued to giggle into his neck. ‘How was school?’

Muriel made a gagging noise in his ear and prodded her stubby fingers into his back.

‘It was that bad, huh?’ Kihyun asked, a hand gently pushing against one of her shoulders so he could see her face.

‘School is boring.’

There was a shrill of laughter in the kitchen and Kihyun chuckled at the way Muriel stuck her tongue out at the doorway that led there.

‘You got something to say through there?’ he called through, half a smirk stretched on his face.

‘Daddy…’ Muriel whined, burying her head back in the thick cotton at the neck of Kihyun’s jumper. He picked up the shopping with his spare hand and walked them through to the kitchen.

Nic was washing dishes in the sink, her mousy hair tied in a low-hanging ponytail and the sleeves of her jumper hitched up unnecessarily high on her arms. She turned to smile when they walked in and Kihyun was surprised to see that her lips were painted matte navy blue.

‘Hey, Ki,’ she said and pouted her lips for him to kiss there. 

Muriel squirmed between them when he did and mumbled, ’Gross,’ into his collar. 

‘Hey,’ he responded. ’nice lipstick.’

‘Oh, you know. Just trying something new.’ She smiled and turned back to focus on the dishes in the sink.

‘I don’t know how you’re getting away with blue lipstick but you are.’

‘Daddy…’ Muriel whined again.

‘What’s up, Miri?’ he muttered into her hair.

‘Down please.’

Nic laughed and it jingled pleasantly through the kitchen. When Kihyun bent to let Muriel’s feet touch the ground Nic turned to flick some bubbles from the washing up bowl at the both of them and Muriel shrieked before running back to her toys in the lounge.

‘Thank you, daddy,’ she called over her shoulder between heavy laughter as she stumbled away.

Kihyun wiped the soapsuds from his face and slid up behind Nic, wrapped his arms around her waist and rested his head on her shoulder like he usually did. She laughed into the washing up bowl and it felt warm in the pit of his stomach. He smiled against the cup of her ear.

‘How was your day?’ he asked against her skin and she slapped a bubbly hand to the arms wrapped around her waist to try and pry him off.

‘You’re all wet,’ she chuckled when he huffed about it, and he made a pointed motion to the washing up bowl.

‘So are you.’

‘Okay, but you’re gross wet and I’m cleaning up wet and there’s a distinct difference,’ she said and pressed a kiss against his cheek to sooth the playful frown on his face when he let go of her.

‘How was your day?’ he asked again, leaning against the counter.

‘It was good. It was the same as always. The babysitter said Miri’s teacher gave her an earful when she went to pick her up because Miri has a _bad attitude towards quiet time_.’ She didn’t bother to hide her disdain at the review of their daughter and her fire had always been something Kihyun loved about her. She had always been a match with its tip pressed to the box, ready and eager to be lit. ‘She’s five years old, she shouldn’t be having nap times in the first place,’ she carried on, unaware of the fond smile Kihyun had pointed in her direction. ‘It’s silly. Baby, don’t you think it’s silly?’

‘Oh yeah, it’s crazy, Nic. Letting the toddlers rest, how dare they,’ His voice was dripping in sarcasm and she flicked more bubbles at him.

‘Five year olds aren’t toddlers you absolute sap,’ she said, but she pressed a still wet hand to his chest and leaned in to peck another kiss to his chin. ‘What’s wrong with her being energetic and passionate?’ 

‘Nothing, Nic. I’m sure they’ll figure something out soon enough.’ Reassuring hands rubbing broad strokes up and down her arms.

‘Yeah,’ she mumbled and buried her head in his neck. ‘I made pasta,’ she said into his jumper.

Kihyun fiddled with her ponytail.

‘It smells great,’ he said.

‘How was _your_ day?’ she asked, pulling back to look him in the eyes. When she moved her hand the perfect outline of it was still left wet on his chest.

‘Fine. You know I never have any news. The store was out of almond milk so I had to buy soy…’ He trailed off.

Village life is as village life does, but Kihyun had never been suited to it. Hated how routine his life had become because of it. There was a claustrophobia to rurality that tasted acrid in the back of his throat. He valued privacy but there was no such thing in a small community because everyone knew everyone and it was like trying to whisper a secret in an echo chamber. Everything carried and everyone knew. He hated the idle, pointless chatter he had with cashiers in the small corner shop, or the idle chatter with bar tenders, or the idle chatter with hair dressers, or the idle chatter with people he walked past on the street. Idle chatter with people who were perfectly content with doing the same thing everyday. 

‘You’ve got that look on your face again,’ Nic said with a frown. She picked a wooden spoon off the side and stirred the pasta sauce that was simmering nicely on the ring.

‘Sorry. Sorry, yeah I was just saying I had to get soy.’

‘How many times do I have to tell you that you should do something, Ki?’ she looked over at him and her eyes were all downturned and soft. She offered him some of the sauce on the tip of the spoon.

‘I know, but if I take a class or something that means less time with Miri.’ He tasted the sauce from the spoon. ‘That’s good. Maybe some salt?’

‘Miri would want you to be happy, even if that means you come home a little later,’ Nic said softly, chucking the spoon to the side. She cracked some salt into the pot.

‘I know. It’s more me. I don’t want to see her less.’

Nic’s eyes crinkled when she smiled and she swatted at him. 

‘You’re so cute. Can you believe I married the cutest man in the world?’ she said. Kihyun groaned and rolled his eyes but his sullenness was betrayed by a wide, toothy smile.

‘Have you met the neighbour’s kid yet?’ he asked her.

‘Oh God, no. Is he visiting?’ 

‘Nope. I think he’s fully moved in. I met him just a minute ago. He doesn’t seem very “Lim”-ish.’

‘You mean he’s not an arrogant asshat? Shocking,’ Nic said as she pulled some bowls from the cupboard. Two plain white, one in the shape of a love heart and covered in a shock of pink and green splotches.

‘I mean he could be an asshat I guess, but I barely spoke to the kid. I just mean he was… God I don’t even know how to phrase it, I’m out of the loop with what the kids are saying now.’

‘Did you seriously just refer to the generation younger than us as _the kids_? Have we seriously reached that age? That’s depressing, Ki. We’re getting old.’

‘Speak for yourself.’ Kihyun grinned and she swatted at him again, her face contorted into over-exaggerated outrage. He reached for the tongs to help her plate the spaghetti.

‘He was… edgy? God I sound like an old man. The guy was in all black smoking a cigarette with a bunch of face piercings though. Like, he wasn’t the preppy Lim son that Minjun had made him out to be,’ Kihyun said as he dolloped a tongful of spaghetti in one of the white bowls.

‘Unless they have another son?’ Nic replied, spooning a ladle of sauce on the pasta. 

‘Maybe. Thought they only ever mentioned one though.’

‘Yeah, me too.’

After Kihyun portioned some spaghetti into the colourful heart shaped bowl, he cut the long noodles into smaller pieces. Ever since Muriel had had a nightmare about noodles turning into worms she’d refused to eat them if they were too long for fear of them changing mid-mouthful. Kihyun had always indulged her whims. Nic tutted at him when she noticed but her cheeks were appled with a smile.

Evenings were nice at the house. Usually Kihyun’s favourite part of the day. Muriel always finished her food first and squirmed restlessly in her seat until she was excused to go play and Nic would always eat her food extra slow just to tease her, make her wait longer. After dinner Muriel would take a bath. She had a basket of duckys that she kept on a special shelf on one of the bathroom racks and sometimes she would play with them for so long the water in the tub got cold. Kihyun and Nic would do the dishes and then it would be Muriel’s bed time. Kihyun always tucked her in because Muriel said he got the sheets wrapped around her tighter. Sometimes they’d read a story together. Muriel was learning to read. It was nice. The evening was the only repetitive part of his routine that he didn’t mind being that way.

  
It was only when he flopped down on the couch after having tucked Muriel in, arm going to wrap around Nic’s shoulder as if on instinct, that he thought to check his phone. There was never usually anything there. He usually kept the thing on silent, only using it to check in with the babysitter. Occasionally he’d call his parents. It was so rare for anyone to contact him that a well of surprise flooded his brain when he saw he had a new friend request.

‘Ow, why are you pinching me?’ Nic said, prodding at his grip that had tightened without his notice on her shoulder. She lowered the volume on the TV and rested her head on his chest to get a better view at what he was looking at. ‘Ew, who’d want to be friends with you?’ she teased.

Kihyun snorted. 

‘Don’t be mean,’ he said, and kissed her hair. She prodded him in the side.

‘Love you,’ she crooned.

Kihyun swiped the notification and the words ‘Changkyun Lim has sent you a friend request’ flashed brightly across his screen. 

Nic snickered into his side and said, ‘Wow, you really must’ve made an impression on him.’

‘I said about ten words to him. Didn’t even give him my full name so hell if I know how he found me on here.’

‘Are you going to accept it?’ Nic asked.

‘I mean, sure?’ He frowned and it made Nic laugh quietly against him again, her shoulders shaking and teeth exposed from the strength of her smile. He hit accept.

‘Show me his profile picture, I want to see this weird, edgy Lim. I won’t believe it until I see it.’ 

Kihyun opened his profile and Changkyun’s picture wasn’t what he had expected it to be. He’d expected it to be something black and white and ninety percent fringe, but what he was looking at was another contradiction. The boy seemed to be full of them. The picture was him sitting on the edge of a fountain, the sky was a brilliant bright blue and the water spraying behind him looked like wings sprouting from his back. He was sitting with his knees drawn close together, looking cute and innocent, toes pointed. His elbows were resting on his knees and his face was cupped in his palms. He was smiling with such force that he had closed his eyes and he had _dimples._ He looked small. His hair was an ashy blonde rather than the black he was sporting when Kihyun had bumped into him earlier. He still had the eyebrow piercing but it seemed strange and ill-fitting.

‘He doesn’t look like an edgy boy at all. Disappointing.’ Nic pouted. Kihyun squeezed the small of her waist and she yelped. ‘Hey!’ 

‘He looks different in this. His hair’s all dark and shit now.’

‘Dark hair doesn’t make him edgy,’ she replied, fiddling with the hair at the nape of Kihyun’s neck.

Whatever he was about to say got interrupted by a new notification and Nic let a whistle sail from between her teeth.

‘Well isn’t someone just the bell of the ball?’

‘Shut up,’ Kihyun said lightly.

He swiped at the notification and it took him to messenger. Nic rested her head back on his chest. He hoped his heartbeat was steady and soothing where her ear pressed against him, rubbed slow circles on her side just in case the thump of his heart wasn’t calming enough. Nic always had trouble letting her mind settle down. He had a gift for calming her.

The message was from Changkyun and he heard Nic’s smile break across her teeth.

_‘I’m gonna come knock on your door now.’_ Is all it said.

Kihyun felt a rush of adrenaline crash through his body because why would the kid need to come around? He groaned into Nic’s hair and she patted his side.

‘Random,’ she said. Kihyun groaned again.

 

The chime of the doorbell came after enough time had passed that Kihyun had started to think he wasn’t coming. His feet were propped up and comfy on the coffee table and Nic was hugged in close to his side. They were watching a rerun of some old daytime quiz show and the irritation that flushed Nic’s face red every time she got a question wrong was making Kihyun laugh way too much. He almost didn’t stand to answer the door when the bell rung, only going when Nic prodded against him until he was forced to stand.

When he opened the door Changkyun was leaning against the frame like he owned it. He had on the same black clothes but his feet were in a pair of fluffy pink slippers instead of black boots. He smiled a short, tight smile.

‘Hey,’ he said.

‘Hey, kid.’ Kihyun scratched at his temple and had to swallow down the irritation clawing at his throat. A lump of hysteria trying to burst out. ‘What do you want?’

Changkyun laughed, leaned his head against the wooden doorframe. ‘You want to come for dinner tomorrow?’ he asked.

Kihyun had never been good with people. There was always this underlying resentment he couldn’t help feeling when people tried to get to know him that he’d never been able to place. He didn’t want to meet new people. Didn’t want new friends.

‘Excuse me?’ he replied, his voice cracked a little with his shock and he heard Nic laugh at him from inside the house.

‘You want to come for dinner?’ Changkyun shrugged, all casual, but his eyes were glimmering and sharp.

‘Why?’ Kihyun asked, and the confusion felt like sap in his head. Thick and intrusive and slowing down his cognition.

Changkyun’s smile was a cold thing. His eyes dropped to the floor when he did it and he folded his arms over his chest. The charms in his eyebrow ring tinkled and it sounded dainty like wind chimes. 

‘I don’t know, man,’ he said. ‘My parents have been nagging me to make some “appropriate” friends. I don’t want to go out and meet people. Thought you could come over and pretend like we’ve said more than five sentences to each other since you wouldn’t have far to walk.’ He smirked and his eyes flickered over to the short fence that separated their gardens.

‘That’s hardly a glowing offer, you know?’

‘Free food though,’ Changkyun said and it was funny how expressive his eyes were. They glimmered like coins at the bottom of a wishing well when his gaze locked with Kihyun’s again.

‘You should do it!’ Nic yelled from the couch and Changkyun’s smirk melted into a smile.

‘In what world are we believably friends, kid? I’m a fully grown adult human with a family and you’re what? A teenager?’ Kihyun said. He dropped his head back to look at the top of the door frame, taking a calming breath before straightening up again. Changkyun was still smiling.

‘I’m not a teenager. I’m twenty three. How old are you oh _fully-grown-adult-human_?’ 

‘Thirty.’

A siren howled somewhere in the distance. The flashing blue and red lights of the emergency vehicle bounced off the grass and made the front garden look like a shifting body of water, the soft sway of the damp grass like the moving of waves. Sirens were a rarity in the quietness of the village. It was strange.

‘So what’s the problem here?’ Changkyun asked. ‘That’s a totally acceptable age gap.’

‘Is it?’ Kihyun’s brows knitted into a frown and Changkyun tilted his head to watch.

‘Yep,’ he said, a harsh, plosive ‘p’ resounding between them. ‘So are you gonna come over or not? There’ll be free food. Bring a bottle of wine or whatever it is you drink and we can get blitzed and piss off my parents.’

Kihyun could have closed the door in his face. Was tempted to just to wipe that smug look from him because Changkyun looked so sure that Kihyun would agree. It was cold enough that his breath was blooming in front of his face but he looked casual. Comfortable enough to stay in that archway all night despite the cold.

‘I don’t think so.’

He pouted. Then he leaned in. Kihyun almost tripped over trying to take a step back from him and that glimmer of amusement danced in his eyes again.

‘Hey, mysterious lady in there,’ he called over Kihyun’s shoulder, ignoring the way Kihyun tried to shush him.

Nic’s laughter was a Charleston, all quick and happy and bouncing. ‘What do you want?’ she yelled back.

‘You’re going to wake up Miri,’ Kihyun whined so she stood and walked over to them.

‘What do you want?’ she said again, quieter.

The way Changkyun smiled when he saw her was wide and happy, made those dimples Kihyun had noticed in his profile picture flare up on his cheeks.

‘Do _you_ want to come over and get blitzed with me? It won’t be too hard to pretend to be my friend, I’m so likeable after all.’ He bit his tongue, caught the bar of it between his teeth.

‘Honestly, yes. Yes I really do want to do that,’ she said, wrapping her arm around Kihyun’s as he gawped at her. ‘Don’t give me that look. You know at any given time I’m looking for an excused to get trashed.’

Changkyun’s grin was a half moon, his lips stretched tight.

‘Sweet. I like you, lady.’

‘It’s Nicole,’ Kihyun said.

She rolled her eyes and said, ‘But everyone just calls me Nic.’

She outstretched a hand to him. Changkyun took it, shaking politely, but he held Kihyun’s gaze.

He really wished he’d shut the door in the kid’s face.

‘So, what do you say? You going to join me and Nic in pissing my parents off?’ he asked when his hand slipped from hers. It slapped heavy against his side.

‘Someone needs to look after Miri,’ Kihyun muttered in reply, frown pinched taut on his face. 

Nic squeezed his arm, rested her head in the hollow of his collar.

‘The babysitter won’t mind staying late, Ki,’ she said. ‘You’re allowed to have fun every once in a while you know?’

Changkyun let out a soft, deep laugh. 

‘Fine.’ 

‘Good boy,’ she said. 

‘This better be the best damn free food I’ve ever eaten though,’ he said with a glare. Changkyun smiled and scratched his head.

‘Oh yeah, no worries there. My parents may be terrible humans but they know how to whip up some decent food.’

‘They better,’ Kihyun grumbled. Nic jabbed at his side and mouthed _be nice._

‘They do.’ Another shrug. ‘So tomorrow yeah? I’m going to leave now. Can’t wait to get trashed with you, Nic,’ he said. He pushed himself away from the door frame.

‘Bye, Changkyun,’ Nic chuckled.

‘Bye, kid,’ Kihyun said.

‘Bye, old man.’

He didn’t walk down the garden path and out of the gate. Instead he strolled to the fence and clambered over. Kihyun closed the door and Nic tucked herself into his shoulder and he walked them both over to the window to watch what the boy would do. Nic felt warm and pleasant at his side. When Changkyun was in his own garden, he lit up a cigarette and there was the crescendo of his lighthouse again every time he took a drag of it. His frame was lost in the darkness but the brightening of that little orange light kept Kihyun’s eyes focussed on him.

‘Weird kid,’ Nic said. She wriggled out from under his arm and sat back on the couch.

‘I told you,’ Kihyun replied.

‘I like him.’ A heavy bout of laughter from the laugh track of whatever show she had flicked on.

‘Do we have to go?’ 

Kihyun left the window when that orange wick disappeared out of view halfway up the steps to the Lim house. He flopped back on the sofa and scrunched his face into his hands.

‘Yes, baby. It’ll do you good.’ 


	2. Constellations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Very slight TW for nasty parents

Kihyun wasn’t quite sure how Nic had convinced him to wear a sheer shirt to dinner the next day, the dark materiel loose and flowing around his torso. He tried to flatten the fabric down to his chest as they waited for someone to answer the door but it just made the skin on show underneath more prominent.

‘Stop fiddling.’ Nic batted his hands away from his shirt. ‘You look hot.’

‘Why do I need to look hot for dinner with the neighbours?’ He shoved his hands in his pockets.

‘Because I say you do, now stop whining you big baby.’

The door opened and there was Mrs Lim smiling brightly at them.

Lim Sunyoung was an interesting looking woman. All of her colours were too bright, her expressions too happy. Her cheeks were always a glazed, rosy red and she had a tendency to finish her hair off with a small bow slipped into her fringe. She looked like the human embodiment of a happy nursery rhyme mother.

‘Nicole! Kihyunnie! How nice to see you!’ she cooed and Kihyun was already finding the sweet simper of her voice cloying. ‘Do come in.’ She stepped out of the way and gestured for them to enter. Nic whispered be nice in his ear as they walked in and he sucked in a long breath.

‘How are you, Mrs Lim?’ Nic’s voice mimicked the same dripping faux sweetness and there was an obviousness in the way that she avoided Kihyun’s judgmental gaze that made him chuckle.

‘Oh I’m peachy. It’s just wonderful to have you over.’ She ushered for the two of them to take their shoes off and hurried them through to the dining room where the table was already laid.

Kihyun sat down without bothering to ask which seat was supposed to be his. The room was ugly and very typically “Lim.’ All heavy clashing patterns and over-saturated colours. The light in the room was warm and yellow, which Kihyun supposed should have been comfortable and inviting, but instead it was like the intense yellow leaking from those sickeningly bright walls was closing in around him and it felt suffocating. He leaned his elbows on the table and accidentally knocked over a novelty Minnie Mouse shaped salt shaker.

‘It smells lovely in here,’ Nic said, sitting in the seat next to him and smoothing down the front of her skirt. She put the bottle of rum she’d brought on the table between them and Kihyun snickered. She squeezed his leg under the table in warning.

‘Thank you, Nicole. Minjun was just so excited when Changkyun said he’d invited you over. He insisted I make something special.’ She paused to brush something from the front of the apron wrapped around her waist. It was a frilly thing. The kind that people in real life don’t typically wear. ‘I cooked a chicken,’ she said with a smile.

‘Oh lovely!’

‘If Dad wanted something special he could’ve just made it himself.’ And there was that voice. Deep and smooth. Kihyun and Nic both turned to Changkyun and when they did he was smiling at them like the three of them shared some deep, personal in-joke, all teeth and eyebrows. He loomed behind his mother in the hallway and it was surprising how similar their face shapes were, both with those round cheeks and almond eyes. His outfit was less intimidating today, still all black but he was in a soft looking jumper and ripped jeans.

Sunyoung tutted, rolled her eyes and patted Changkyun’s cheek. A small, sad expression on her face. He recoiled from her touch.

‘When you settle down with a nice girl you’ll understand,’ she said. He grimaced but Sunyoung continued to stroke his cheek as though she didn’t notice.

‘Sure,’ he said with an eye roll of his own. ‘Hi, by the way.’ He directed to the two of them at the table. He walked to sit in the seat opposite Kihyun and when he tucked his chair their knees bashed together.

‘We brought rum.’ Nic sounded gleeful and the way Changkyun smiled at her when she shook the bottle at him was like he was watching a kitten play with a ball of yarn. Cheeks cupped in loose palms and eyes smushed.

‘I knew you were my kind of person,’ he said.

‘Are you not going to come and help us serve the food, Changkyun?’ Sunyoung asked and it was only then that Kihyun noticed that she was still standing stringent in the doorway, her hands folded neatly in front of her. Everything stiff.

‘Oh.’ He raised an eyebrow. A soft jingle. ‘This is that thing where you ask me if I’m going to but it’s not a request, isn’t it?’

‘I would very much like it if you would help me and your father to serve the food for our guests.’ Kihyun winced at the way her voiced pitched at the end of her sentence, tense and high and ready to snap, but Changkyun’s face was a picture of monotony. He stood up in a shock of motion and the sudden sound of the legs of his chair grinding against the floor was too loud in the small room.

‘Pour me a glass of that, would you?’ he said to Kihyun, tilting his head to the bottle of rum. He made to walk away from the table and join his mother but stopped when he noticed Kihyun’s face. It was a picture of shock.

‘What, just straight rum?’ Kihyun asked.

‘Yeah, why not? We have ice, I’ll put ice in it so it’s classy.’ Changkyun’s expression verged on goofy when he spoke, but his face straightened when Sunyoung coughed a little from where she was waiting. He sighed and walked away. ‘I’ll bring the ice tray so you two can have some too,’ he said over his shoulder. ‘Since you’re so repulsed by straight rum but didn’t bring a mixer.’ The smugness in his voice was infuriating.

Kihyun only let himself relax when both him and Sunyoung had disappeared from view, he slouched in his chair and blinked his eyes at the ceiling. Nic had already reached over the table and picked up the wine glass placed at Changkyun’s seat. She swiped her own and Kihyun’s too and lined the three pretty flutes up in front of her.

‘How much is an acceptable amount of rum to put in a wine glass?’ she asked. She prodded Kihyun’s knees when he didn’t immediately respond. He sat up straight again.

‘No amount of rum is acceptable in a wine glass,’ he said. ‘It’s for wine.’

‘Things are multi-purpose, Ki.’ She pouted, tried to twist the cap off the mostly full bottle but it had crusted over with crystallised liquid and wouldn’t budge. The skin on the palms of her hands turned white, then distinctly red from her repeated struggle.

‘Let me.’ Kihyun took the bottle from her and she smiled in relief, blowing some of her hair from her eyes. If he were younger, he would be embarrassed about how soft he was for her. How little she had to do to make his stomach flutter. As it were though, he had long since come to accept it. His returned smile turned to a wince as he wrestled with the bottle cap too.

‘Yeah, see?’ Nic’s words were breathy and short from effort. ‘More difficult than it looks.’

‘What are you talking about? I’ve got this,’ he said, feigning a confident expression. The second he put pressure on the bottle cap his hand slipped and thundered into the table. Everything clattered and a wine glass fell over on the impact. Nic spluttered, her hands adding to the noise by slapping on Kihyun’s legs as she laughed and Kihyun had to bite at the inside of his mouth to keep from laughing too.

‘You could just go run it under the hot tap,’ she said through her quieting giggles, picking up the empty wine glass that had fallen over.

‘Why do I have to do it?’ Kihyun asked indignantly.

‘Because you wouldn’t ask me, your very mouthy wife, to go stand in a room with people she doesn’t like without your supervision?’ She batted her eyes at him and the tight knot of worry in his stomach loosened slightly. ‘Who knows what I would say.’ A pushed out pink bottom lip.

‘Is it bad that I know I’m being played right now but I’m still going to do it?’ Kihyun asked.

‘Not at all. It just means you’re smart. No use delaying the inevitable, Ki.’ She looked proud of herself. She was sitting neatly, one leg crossed over the other. Even though her tights were dark, the stretch of her crossed legs meant Kihyun could see where his and Muriel’s initials were tattooed small and delicate on her thigh. Her expression melted to something softer when he stood up and she looped her finger in his shirt cuff to stop him from walking away too quickly. ‘Thank you,’ she said.

‘Of course. Don’t worry about it.’ Kihyun shook his arm and her fingers slid from the material. He linked their hands together for a second and her green eyes looked golden with the amount of warmth in them.

‘Well, thanks anyway,’ she said as her eyes dropped to the table.

‘Nic,’ he swiped a thumb along the curve of her chin. She looked up at him again. ‘It’s fine, okay? I’ll be right back.’

‘Okay,’ she replied. He walked away and was almost to the door when she hollered to him, ‘and be quick, being sober in this house feels like a terrible mistake.’

He paused before saying, ’When you’re right, you’re right.’

Kihyun didn’t know where the kitchen was, but it was easy to find by following the cacophony of loud voices that seemed to be resonating from inside it. It sounded like Minjun and he gritted his teeth.

‘Kihyun,’ Minjun’s deep voice bellowed the second he stepped inside. He was sporting a large smile but it was twitching on the edges and his face was covered in a thin sheen of moisture. He had a fluffy nib of potato caught on his lip that wiggled when he spoke. ‘Tell my son what it’s like to have a wife.'

Behind Minjun, Changkyun was chopping a thick wad of herbs, the knife snapping heavily against the wooden board. His jaw was locked and Kihyun could see his neck veins pop with each downward stroke.

‘I um,’ Kihyun lifted the rum bottle, ‘I only came to run this under the tap,’ he said.

‘Go do it, no-one’s stopping you.’ Minjun slapped him on the back in encouragement, the strange forced smile still pulling at his face. Changkyun looked up from his chopping and gave Kihyun another one of those looks, like they shared something, and Kihyun didn’t know what any of it meant. He stumbled to the sink, next to Sunyoung who seemed to be doing nothing aside from observing Changkyun, and flicked the faucet on. He was glad to be facing away from everyone else in the room, fingers dancing under the stream of water to feel for when it got hot, because it wasn’t long before the conversation picked up again, and facing away at least meant that he could pretend he wasn’t hearing what they were talking about.

Unsurprisingly it was Minjun who started talking again first.

‘It’s not that we don’t appreciate that you’ve been in full-time education, son. But you’ve been meeting a lot of people at college and we expected you to have a girlfriend by now. Your mother and I worry. Since you’ve got back all you ever do is spend time at that… bar, and you know me and your mother don’t like the people there.’

The water was still cold.

‘They’re my friends,’ Changkyun said. Kihyun could hear the lock in his jaw.

‘It’s not good to spend all your time in a bar,’ Sunyoung chimed, she loosely pawed at Kihyun’s shirt as she spoke and Kihyun glanced at her. She was looking at him with those big brown eyes when she said. ‘You agree, don’t you?’

The stream of cold water gained a trickle of heat when he said, ‘I don’t think it’s my place to have an opinion on any of this.’

Changkyun guffawed, ‘How diplomatic of you.’

‘But Kihyun, you’re a married man. How old were you when you and Nicole got hitched?’ Minjun piped up and his voice was a fog horn, so low and loud that it seemed to vibrate.

‘I was,’ he flushed. Knew his answer would serve to aid whatever ham-fisted point Minjun was trying to make. ‘I was twenty-three. But it just worked out that way.’ He stuck the bottle cap under the water and rubbed away at the crust sealing the lid. Eyes fixed on his task, refusing to look anywhere else even when he felt Changkyun flick his foot back and kick at his leg. There was no force, just the knock of a toe against a calf.

‘See!’ Minjun rejoiced, ‘Kihyun was married at your age.’

‘But I’m not like, recommending it,’ Kihyun’s voice came out startled and high pitched in his effort to mollify the rising tension. ‘It worked out for me and Nic but that doesn’t mean that’s how it goes for everyone.’ He tried turning the cap and felt it start to twist. He turned off the faucet and shimmied his way around Sunyoung to exit the room and it felt like intense relief.

‘Hold on,’ Changkyun called to him and he slowed his walking to turn around and face the room. The nib of potato had fallen from Minjun’s lip and Sunyoung had moved to stand next to Changkyun. She was leaning close to him and inspecting the herbs he’d chopped, standing close enough that her arm was pressed against his. Changkyun's face looked tight as he locked gazes with Kihyun but he didn’t break the contact he was sharing with his mother.

‘What?’ Kihyun asked and Changkyun was staring at him, his eyebrow pulled high and bottom lip between his teeth. Kihyun flustered, didn’t want to know what Changkyun was going to say.

‘Take the ice tray with you,’ he said and he looked annoyingly smug when Kihyun let out a held breath.

‘Be polite to your friends,’ Sunyoung hissed at him and the way Changkyun laughed at her was like he was listening to the political opinions of someone he disagreed with and was waiting to rebuttal.

Kihyun made his way over to the freezer. The drawer squeaked loudly when he opened it and he had to yank at the ice tray to pull it out. It was wedged tightly on top of a packet of peas that had been in there for so long they had formed one large, immovable block.

‘I am nice to my friends.’ He heard Changkyun say and he wondered if Sunyoung would pick up on the obvious implication. He pulled out the tray and closed the freezer.

‘We won’t be long with the food, Kihyun.’

‘Yeah give us five minutes tops,’ Minjun added and Kihyun wasn’t sure he would ever get used to how loud and demanding his voice was.

He left the kitchen just as Minjun began to ask Changkyun something and picked up his pace to get away from the awkwardness of it all.

‘No wonder the poor guy wants to piss his parents off so badly,’ he whispered in Nic’s ear when he sat back down and she laughed.

‘Why, what happened?’ she asked. She wiggled the rum from his hands and cheered when the cap twisted off without resistance.

‘Well not much. Minjun is still Minjun though.’

The loud sound of rum pouring into the tall wine glasses sloshed around the room as Nic served it. She filled each glass to the widest point of the flute and then reached for the ice cubes and popped a few from the tray into each one.

‘Jesus Nic, that’s generous,’ Kihyun said but she just turned to smile that typical, innocent sweet smile at him that she always did when she was trying to get up to mischief. She handed him a glass with wide Disney eyes and he took it.

‘We came here on the promise of getting drunk, and I fully intend to abuse that promise. How often do we get to do this since we had Miri? I don’t care if we’re at the neighbour’s house I’m here to have a good time.’ She took a large mouthful at the end of her sentence, looked happy. Kihyun took a sip of his own and it was a pleasant fire down his throat. Strange to take from the thin rim of a wine glass but still good.

‘We best get to it then,’ he said smiling at her, and she laughed before taking another mouthful.

‘Do you know what we’re being fed?’ she asked and it echoed in the chamber of her flute.

‘Not a damn clue. The kitchen smelled good though. Smelled like garlic.’

‘I’m so hungry,’ she grumbled.

‘I told you to have a snack earlier and you said no.’

‘Because Changkyun said the food was going to be good so I wanted to make sure I had enough room for it!’

‘You’re dumb, it’s so cute,’ Kihyun said and she gasped in mock offence.

‘Are you two always this obnoxiously in love? It’s gross.’ Changkyun stalked in and sat in his seat. He was carrying a large bowl full of shredded chicken that he dropped on the table as he sat, it clanged when it landed and stringy bits of chicken spilled from over the sides of the bowl.

Nic just raised her eyebrows at him and handed over his glass. The rigid expression on his face loosened and he muttered, ‘Thanks.’ He took two large gulps in succession, so big that remnants of it dribbled from the sides of his mouth when he put the glass down to smile at Nic.

‘I hate rum,’ he said, that glimmer in his eyes. He drank more.

‘How can anyone hate rum?’ she asked.

‘Tastes like a pirate stereotype.’

‘A weird thing to say, but you’re right. You’re an interesting guy,’ Nic said.

Changkyun laughed and said, ’I’m going to seduce your wife, old man.’ He jostled an eyebrow at Kihyun and bit the bar in his tongue. He seemed to do that a lot. Kihyun just took a drink and slouched an arm around the back of Nic’s chair. She giggled and plaited their fingers together on her shoulder.

‘Many men have tried,’ she said.

‘Have any succeeded?’

‘Cocky shit,’ Kihyun mumbled into his glass and the volume of the laughter that shot from both Nic and Changkyun when he did was enough pock his cheeks red with embarrassment.

‘You’re weird, Kihyun,’ Changkyun said giddily, but the lightness in his eyes dimmed when his gaze drifted past Kihyun and over his shoulder. His torso stiffened and he sat up straighter in his chair and Kihyun didn’t have to turn around to know that his parents had just entered the room. Their footsteps travelled closer and then there was a bowl slid in front of him, filled with a nice smelling stew. It smelled like herbs and root vegetables and Kihyun had always loved winter meals, the type that felt like they were warming you as you ate them.

‘Put as much chicken in as you want,’ Sunyoung said when she sat down. She took the seat next to Changkyun and Minjun took the seat at the head of the table, between her and Nic. He wheezed as he sat and placed Nic’s portion in front of her.

‘So long as you leave enough for me,’ he said with a heavy breath.

‘We didn’t have enough hands to bring yours in Changkyun, you’ll have to go fetch it yourself,’ Sunyoung said.

He didn’t say anything. Didn’t really have to because the knot in Kihyun’s stomach felt so tight that it was constricting and Nic’s face was twisted into something soft and sympathetic. He stood and walked from the room without a word, only a brief lock of that eye contact that Kihyun hadn’t learned to read yet.

The food was good. Really good. Kihyun scooped up a forkful and he didn’t know what vegetable it was that he was eating but it was soft. Melted in his mouth. The sauce was rich but not overpowering, it had a kick of chilli that made his lips tingle and he loved that feeling. Kihyun longed to dislike it, wished he hated it so he wouldn’t give the Lim’s the satisfaction of a genuine compliment but it was buttery and rich and unique. He tried to hold a blank expression even though it was delicious and when Changkyun sat back down he gave Kihyun a knowing smile before taking a mouthful of his own.

‘How’s little Muriel doing?’ Minjun asked as he ate, the words coming out thick through the food he was chewing.

‘She’s doing good. Lively as always. Ki is teaching her to read at the moment and she loves it,’ Nic replied and her face was warm when she did, that gold seeping from her gaze. Her leg brushed against Kihyun’s under the table.

‘She’s always been a smart cookie, she’s going to grow up to do big things,’ Minjun said. Across the table Changkyun kicked Kihyun’s leg. When Kihyun looked up at him he smiled before rolling his eyes and Kihyun didn’t know what it meant but that was starting to become familiar. Changkyun face always wore an expression that told nothing but expected a lot in return. Kihyun smiled back at him but it was only small, half hidden behind the rim of his wine glass.

‘Remember when you said you were going to be a doctor when you were young, Changkyun?’ Minjun continued.

‘Funnily enough I do, yeah,’ he replied, claggy through his food. He mushed a soft vegetable under the prongs of his fork and Sunyoung tutted. Nic gripped at Kihyun’s leg and he slid his hand under the table to rub a reassuring thumb on her wrist.

‘That would have been so nice,’ Sunyoung said. ‘Imagine a doctor for a son.’

‘What did you study at college, Changkyun?’ Nic asked, and her voice was ringing with over-exerted pleasantness. Kihyun held her hand and she squeezed his fingers, she’d always struggled with family confrontation. Used to run to Kihyun’s house whenever her parents argued and the flight in her had never quite vanished.

Changkyun looked to her and grinned, ‘Music Production,’ he said. ‘I like making interesting sounds.’

‘What can you do with a music degree?’ Minjun scoffed.

‘Produce music, dad. It’s literally in the title.’

‘It sounds cool,’ Nic said, she glared at Minjun when she did.

Changkyun smiled at her and kicked at Kihyun’s leg again, ‘What do you think?’ he asked.

‘Yeah, I think it sounds cool too. I would’ve liked to do something like that,’ Kihyun replied and he couldn’t explain why he felt embarrassed when Changkyun laughed quietly at his response. He played the flush in his face off as the heat from the stew and hurriedly scooped up another mouthful. He could feel Minjun staring at him without having to look.

‘Ki’s really musical.’ Nic grinned and finished her glass. She opened the bottle and filled it again, adding more to Kihyun’s and Changkyun’s glasses and resealing the bottle without bothering to ask if Minjun or Sunyoung wanted any.

‘I sing a little,’ Kihyun muttered and Changkyun was looking at him like he was the most interesting thing he’d ever seen. The wishing wells pooled in his eyes. ‘It’s not a big deal.’

‘But the difference between you and my boy is that you were sensible enough to keep it as a hobby,’ Minjun said.

The room stiffened.

‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ Nic replied, and her hand slipped from Kihyun’s under the table. He turned to her and her cheeks were flecked red and her eyes were startled and wide, she scooted to sit barely perched on the end of her chair, her fingers gripped at the edge of the wooden table. She looked ready to stand so Kihyun held her shoulder and he felt the muscles there untense under the gentle contact. ‘That’s a terrible thing to say,’ she said, hurt strung quiet through her voice.

‘But it’s the truth.’ Minjun looked unbothered, he spoke into his bowl and continued to scoop spoonfuls of chicken and sauce into his mouth.

‘Don’t bother,’ Changkyun said to Nic and there were tears filming her eyes. She frowned at him and he continued, ‘He’ll never change his mind.’

‘But it’s horrible. It’s so horrible.’ Her voice was trembling. She whipped to face Minjun more directly. ‘Kihyun’s a photographer, he’s hardly the picture of traditional, conservative work. Why are you so keen to compliment him and put down your own son? It’s horrible.’

Sunyoung made an aborted sound of disproval before sealing her lips tight again and looking to Minjun and Changkyun laughed into his wine glass when he noticed.

‘We support his passion for music,’ Sunyoung said in that same simpering voice, dripping thick like treacle, ‘We just want him to have a more stable career.’

‘You should support him whatever he does!’ Nic said, grit in her voice. Kihyun kept his hand on her shoulder and she looped her fingers in his. ‘It’s horrible here,’ she said to him.

Changkyun grimaced.

‘We want the best for our boy,’ Minjun still sounded proud and unbothered. ‘To have a stable life like the two of you.’

‘We aren’t stable,’ Nic shrieked and she stood then. ‘Kihyun is freelance and I work just above minimum wage, we live pay check to pay check!’

‘But at least you have each other. Life’s easier when you have a partner. Changkyun could talk to someone if he had a girlfriend,’ Sunyoung said.

‘You know he’s in the room right?’ There were tears spilling down the sides of Nic’s cheeks.

Kihyun stood up next to her and mumbled ‘Let’s just go,’ in her ear.

‘I’m not leaving Changkyun here to get belittled like this,’ she said, wiping the tears from her face with a scrunched up fist. Changkyun was smiling at her, small and dimpled, and she nodded at him before saying. ‘Are you coming with us?’

‘What? Oh, yeah. Fuck yeah.’

Nic didn’t waste any time. She swiped the bottle of rum from the table and stalked from the room and the sound of the front door opening and slamming closed reverberated around the house. Minjun was still yet to look up from his bowl and Sunyoung had her hands knotted together in front of her on the table, her bowl still full and steaming. Changkyun cackled into the surrounding quietness. He picked up his glass and tipped his rum into his mouth and he had that dribble of it spilling from the corner of his lips again. When he walked around the table he grabbed Kihyun by the arm and dragged him away from the room.

‘I love your wife,’ he said to him and he sounded excited. He leaned on Kihyun’s arm and spoke so close to the side of his face that Kihyun could smell his breath and it was like rum and smoke. Something distinct and unsurprising. He was so close Kihyun could feel the warmth radiating from his skin through the thin material of his sheer shirt so he shucked his arm from Changkyun’s and sped up his pace. He’d never been good with intimacy with people that weren’t Nic or Muriel.

The night had gotten a lot colder during the time they’d been inside, the type of cold that pricks against your skin and claws at your throat. Like drinking ice water after mint toothpaste. Kihyun looked down at his see-through shirt and laughed in despair because Nic wasn’t walking towards their house, she was standing on the opposite side of the road, arms wrapped around herself and feet pointed in the direction of a whole lot of nothing. Kihyun could see that her nose was pretty and red from her crying even from his distance.

‘She’s wild, I want to hang out with her all the time,’ Changkyun said. He paused before adding. ‘God, it’s cold.’

‘At least you’re in a jumper,’ Kihyun chuckled as they walked down the garden path.

‘Good point. I can see your nipples, old man.’

‘Don’t look at my nipples. I’m only in this shirt because Nic wanted me to wear it.’

‘She has good taste,’ Changkyun said and he had his tongue piercing caught between his teeth again.

When they pushed through the gate it creaked and Nic turned her attention to them. She sniffed and waved and there was a flush on her cheeks as well as her nose.

‘You want to go to the cliff?’ she asked.

‘Yes!’ Changkyun said and his low voice cracked with excitement.

‘I guess I don’t have much of a choice,’ Kihyun said.

‘Nope, no you do not, Ki. You go where I go,’ Nic said and she was giggling but her sentence was punctuated by a sniffle. She grabbed his hand and pulled him down the path. Changkyun hurried to keep up.

It was a still night, to add to the biting cold. There was no movement and no sound. No cars drove down the dimly lit streets and no windows polluted the dimness with the vibrancy of television screens. Changkyun lit up a cigarette and his lighthouse was the only pinprick of light to be added to the street lamps, the smoke curled gently around his fingers every time he took a drag.

Nic’s heeled boots clacked with every step and the rum bottle popped whenever it disconnected from her lips but aside from that their walk was silent. No-one spoke and Kihyun supposed it was because no-one knew what to say. Changkyun kept chuckling to himself though and the shape of his laughter in the smoke was long, billowing tendrils.

Kihyun was glad there wasn’t anybody about, no cars on the road, because he didn’t want to know anyone. It felt like the night was abandoned and belonged to him. He liked the quiet, nothing but the calming presence of Nic and that glowing lighthouse.

‘Do you want any,’ Changkyun broke the silence when they turned off the road and onto worn down public footpath that led to the cliff outcropping. He was holding a fresh, unlit cigarette between two loose fingers, hand outstretched in Kihyun and Nic’s direction. The dry grass underfoot crunched as Kihyun shook his head.

‘I don’t smoke,’ he said. ‘Neither does Nic.’

‘Boring,’ Changkyun replied, tucking the cigarette back into its packet, but he was smiling as he did.

‘I tried it once,’ Nic said without disconnecting her lips from the rim of the rum bottle and her words sounded like a message trapped in a bottle, the liquid sloshed every time she spoke too animatedly. ‘It’s nasty. I felt like I was suffocating and not in a good way.’

Changkyun laughed and prodded Kihyun’s shoulder, it was only a light tap but the surprise of the contact made Kihyun lose his footing for a second on the dark, uneven path and he stumbled into a denser patch of long grass.

‘The good kind of suffocating? Oh I love it, are you kinky, old man?’ he snorted.

‘He’s just the right amount of kinky, aren’t you, Ki?’ Nic said and he groaned loudly into the sky. Nic and Changkyun both laughed at him.

‘Can we not talk about this?’ he whined.

‘Oh no we have to keep talking about this. I want to know every detail, is that weird? I don’t care if it’s weird I want to know,’ Changkyun said. Nic handed him the rum bottle and he drunk deeply from it.

When they reached the outcrop of the cliff Nic howled out to the horizon and Kihyun had to reach for her and pull her away from the edge. The cliff was a unique area to the village, looking out onto the hollow of a bay. It was only a small space, only one bench and a skinny footpath set at what was once a reasonable distance from the drop but had become awkward and close overtime with the cliffside’s erosion. The moon was big and blinding and danced off Nic’s pretty pale hair. When she spun around in his arms and faced him it backlit her and her edges looked soft with it, she flung her arms around his neck and leaned in close, her lips pressed against his and she tasted like rum.

‘Wow damn, I’m getting a show,’ Changkyun said when he noticed them and Nic laughed against Kihyun’s mouth before pulling away and moving to sit on the bench.

She patted the empty space next to her, her gaze stuck on Changkyun when she said, ‘I want to talk to you.’

He drank and the bottle rung with that almost empty sound. He sat in the space Nic pointed to and in the sharp brightness piercing the outcrop they looked like lovers on an anniversary postcard. Nic was sitting neat, her entire body facing him, and Changkyun’s face soft when he looked at her. They looked serene in the blue tinge of the sky. Kihyun just a silhouette, insubstantial behind them.

‘What do you want to talk to me about?’ Changkyun asked. Kihyun felt intrusive, took a step back from their haloed outlines and the way the glass of the rum bottle made swirling patterns wash across their skin when it passed between them was hypnotising.

‘How do you live there?’ Nic asked and out of nowhere a breeze blew, long and cold.

‘I mean, I’ve only been there a week at this point. I just go out a lot. I know my parents are shits, it’s nothing I can’t handle.’

‘You shouldn’t have to handle it. Ki, they’re fucking horrible. I don’t like Changkyun being there,’ Nic said and when she turned her head in Kihyun’s direction that sadness had pricked her eyes again, dancing in the odd light.

‘It’s not a big deal.’ Changkyun’s gaze was pinned to Kihyun. ‘I have friends that run a bar. I go there.’

‘The one your parents said they don’t like,’ Kihyun asked and Changkyun nodded slightly, only small.

‘My parents are close-minded.’

‘Oh really,’ Nic laughed, voice thick with sarcasm and Changkyun smiled. His dimples popped up on his cheeks.

‘Why are you standing back there?’ Changkyun asked, his eyebrows pulled up on his face but it was softer than anytime he’d frowned before, his eyebrow ring didn’t jingle.

‘I just,’ Kihyun paused, coughed slightly. ‘Just didn’t want to intrude.’

‘You’re not what I expected you to be,’ Changkyun said.

‘What did you expect?’

‘I don’t know. Not this. Something less interesting.’

‘Ki is full of surprises,’ Nic said, sitting up on her knees and leaning over the back of the bench to look at him better.

‘I wanna know all of them,’ Changkyun said to her and Kihyun felt embarrassed. Dropped his eyes to look at his arms and he could see his goosebumps through his shirt.

‘Ki doesn’t get to know people well, do you baby?’

Changkyun looked at him, all wishing wells and lighthouses even though there was no cigarette hanging between his lips, and said, ‘It’s too late for that. I’ve decided we’re friends now.’

‘I suppose I can deal with that,’ Kihyun said and laughed into the quiet at the strangeness of it all when he realised he meant it.

‘How fucking weird is it,’ Changkyun said, his voice loud. ‘That you two have a kid? Kids are weird. I wanna meet it.’

‘Don’t call my daughter an it,’ Nic squealed and Changkyun’s laugh was a howl. He leaned to her and rested on her shoulder and she patted his head, caught his black hair in her fingers and brushed through it.

‘My friends act like children, to be fair,’ he said to the sky.

‘You should tell us about this bar,’ Nic said and she was smiling down at the top of his head.

It was funny to watch Nic dote on someone like this. She had barriers, thick ones with padlocks and blackout windows and it took a lot for her to let those barriers down. It was strange, to watch her so comfortable with a virtual stranger. Kihyun didn’t know what it meant but when she looked up at him her eyes were big and wide and happy. She mouthed _he’s nice_ and brushed a finger along the plain of Changkyun’s cheek and he giggled a surprisingly small, cute sound.

‘They’re my friends, the people that run it. My school friends. They opened a bar in the next town over. It’s great, it’s wild. I love them but they’re all messes,’ Changkyun said.

‘Messes how?’ Kihyun asked.

‘Man, me trying to explain all their drama would take all night. Just trust me on it. I should take you sometime. You’d like it, old man.’

‘Why would he like it?’ Nic asked lightly, she was playing with the long earring dangling in his ear.

‘I don’t know. He just would. You’d love it too but you’re wild like them so it’s not that surprising,’ Changkyun replied and he was grinning at her, the moon was brimming shadows in the cups of his dimples. ‘Can I meet your daughter one day?’

‘You can meet her tonight if you want. Right, Ki?’

‘I don’t know, Nic,’ Kihyun muttered. ‘We’ve been drinking and she’ll be getting ready for bed by now.’

‘Yeah you’re right,’ she said quietly. ‘I don’t want Changkyun to go home though.’

‘I’ll be fine. I’m a Fully-Grown-Adult-Human,’ Changkyun said, his eyes searching the dark to lock onto Kihyun’s with that teasing glare.

‘Well we’re only next door if you need us,’ Nic said.

‘Can I come round tomorrow and meet her? Your little girl?’

‘I’m not working tomorrow, you can help me look after her if you want to? I was going to take her to the kid cafe,’ Kihyun found himself saying, and he was shocked out how easily the words slipped out. Nic looked proud as she gazed down at the crown of Changkyun’s head.

‘You’d let me intrude on daddy daughter day?’

‘Yeah, sure. You can come,’ Kihyun said, voice small.

‘Wow, I’m honoured,’ Changkyun said. ‘I said I’d go to the bar tomorrow though. I’ve been picking up shifts there. It would only be for a couple of hours and there’s a pool table. The guys wouldn’t mind if you and your girl were there during the day. I could teach her to play.’

‘Oh, I don’t know. I don’t know how I feel about Miri being in a bar,’ Kihyun said. Nic giggled quietly and started twisting a plait into a strand of Changkyun’s hair.

‘It would only be for a few hours. The guys are all really nice. I could just meet you at whatever cafe it is that you’re going to but like I said, I want to take you there. I think you’d like it.’

‘It’ll be fine, Ki.’ Nic’s voice was gentle and reassuring.

‘I guess, if you’re sure it will be okay.’

‘You won’t regret it.’ He could hear the smile in Changkyun’s voice, the soft exhale of breath.

‘Famous last words,’ Kihyun said, but there was no malice there. Maybe it would be good for Miri to meet some new people. Maybe, he supposed, it would be good for him too.

The silence that descended was comfortable, Nic plaiting random strands of Changkyun’s hair and Changkyun staring up into the sky. He had one hand up and a finger pointed and it was moving around the space in front of him as though he was counting the stars. He probably was. The bay that was way down below them soothed the small cliffside with the gentle, repetitive sound of waves and even though Kihyun was standing distanced from the two of them he didn’t feel as removed as before. He brought his phone from his pocket and took a picture of them and the endless stretch of water reflecting in the clear sky made the two of them look like constellations. Neither of them heard the click of the shutter when the photo took. He locked his phone and put it back in his pocket. 


	3. Great Bear | Little Bear

When Kihyun woke up it was to the soft press of plush lips against his and the tickle of fingers on his neck. Nic tasted like spearmint toothpaste and he reached up to pull her closer before he even opened his eyes. She fell against his chest with a giggle. The fabric at her midsection was smooth and tight, his fingers drew across the stretch of the belt cinching her trousers at her waist.

‘Why are you dressed already?’ he said close to her skin and her cheeks were smooth, slid easily against his lips. His voice was rough from sleep and his eyes were crusted with tiredness but when he opened them Nic looked vibrant and glowing and awake. The curtains were open and the bounce of the sun on her face made her looks like something pure and innocent from a renaissance painting even as she laughed and ran her hands down low over his stomach.

‘I’m dressed because it’s eight and I have to go to work. You need to wake up,’ she said. She smiled, shifted her hips slightly and Kihyun didn’t know if it was intentional, the way she brushed her thigh over him, but he brought a hand to her leg to still her. She giggled again.

Kihyun sat up and his back clicked as he did. Their room was happy and light and decorated with Miri’s toys. He rubbed his hands through his hair as Nic shifted on his lap. She was in high-waisted yellow suit trousers and a white shirt and Kihyun winced at the way he could see the wrinkles setting into those neatly pressed trousers but she didn’t seem to care. She stabled her hands on his chest and bit her lip between her teeth.

‘Last night was fun,’ she said.

‘If it’s already eight then you need to go,’ Kihyun said softly, but his fingers looped over the top of her trousers to play with the hem of the shirt tucked into them. The pad of the flesh at her tummy was a pleasant softness around his fingers.

‘I know,’ she said. She leaned down and kissed him again, slow and gentle, and when she pulled away she was pouting. ‘I don’t want to leave though.’ Her hands gripped in his shirt and she shifted forward to bring their chests close together. ‘Don’t make me go,’ she muttered into the sensitive skin at his neck.

‘Trust me, I want you to stay. Trust me,’ Kihyun said, punctuated with a kiss to her cheek.

‘Then let me,’ she said. She kissed his neck, the wet press of her tongue laving at his skin between her parted lips, and her hands splayed on his chest.

‘This is so mean,’ Kihyun said with a laugh and pushed gently at her shoulders to separate them. Her lips disconnected from his skin with a rude, wet sound and she frowned and crossed her arms. ‘You know you don’t have time.’

‘No fun,’ she said.

‘I’m plenty of fun, but if you’re late to work again you’ll get another warning and I don’t know many more of them you can really afford.’

‘It’s nothing. I’m an estate agent not a schoolgirl I’m not going to get sent to the principal’s office,’ she said, her voice lilting and teasing, but she lifted herself off him to stand by the side of the bed anyway.

‘No, but you might get fired,’ Kihyun replied.

‘I hate when you’re the voice of reason.’

‘I’m literally always the voice of reason,’ Kihyun chuckled and she raised that teasing eyebrow up at him as she walked away.

‘Then I guess I always hate you, baby,’ she said. Kihyun threw a pillow at her.

 

He didn’t bother getting dressed before plodding his way downstairs to find Muriel. His pyjamas were soft cotton and kept him warm. He’d wrapped a shabby old dressing gown around himself but it was a rare day when he got to stay in his pyjama for a morning and he wanted to take the opportunity when he had it. 

When he got downstairs he was surprised to see Changkyun and Muriel sitting crosslegged on the floor in front of the telly, a Nintendo controller in each of their hands as they raced their way through a game of Mario Kart. Muriel was shrieking with laughter and every time she laughed too hard she fell against Changkyun’s side. Changkyun smiled and let her, his teeth glimmery and white, but he’d prod her little head gently when she spent too much time giggling against him to get her back in the race. It was jolting to watch the two of them getting along so easily. Kihyun found himself floundering on the second step from the bottom as he watched them race. Princess Peach versus Princess Daisy.

‘They hit it off straight away,’ Nic whispered to him from where she was standing behind him on the stairs. ‘Maybe he can babysit for us sometimes.’

‘Yeah maybe,’ Kihyun mumbled, forced himself the rest of the way down the staircase.

Muriel’s face was a glowing red from how brightly she had been smiling, how happily she had been playing with Changkyun and when she spotted Kihyun the first thing she said was ‘Daddy, I made a new friend!’

‘I made a new friend too, daddy,’ Changkyun said, and the amused smile that spilled across his face at Kihyun’s shocked expression was like a thick swipe of paint. Nic laughed loudly and slapped her hands down on Kihyun’s shoulders. He stumbled the rest of the way down the stairs.

‘When did you get here?’ he asked. The Mario game paused as Muriel ran over to wrap her arms around his legs and hug him tight. 

She said, ‘He slept on the couch,’ into the crook of his legs and then leaned back to smile up at him. Kihyun looked to Changkyun and he nodded confirmation.

‘Nic, did you know about this?’

‘Of course I did, dummy. I told him to. If you hadn’t have gone straight to bed when we got back you would’ve heard me tell him to stay.’ She walked to the table where her work bag was flopped over the back of a chair and pulled it onto her shoulder. ‘We woke him up this morning, didn’t we, Miri?’

‘Yah!’ Muriel grabbed Kihyun’s hands and jostled their connected arms, beaming up at him. ‘Changkyunnie doesn’t snore like you do.’

‘I do not snore,’ he growled as he swooped down to pick her up in his arms and she squealed in delight, hitting without force at his shoulders.

‘I don’t know, I trust her more than I trust you,’ Changkyun said from the floor, controller still gripped in his hands, thumb wiggling against the joystick like he was racing even with the game paused. 

‘Daddy snores like a car starting,’ Muriel yelled to Changkyun, her voice raising in volume with her excitement and Changkyun was _beaming._

_‘_ He does. At least you don’t have to sleep in the same room as it. Who would daddy be in Mario Kart?’ Nic asked, giggling as she walked over to the door. She kissed Kihyun’s and Muriel’s cheeks as she passed them.

‘Hmm,’ Muriel’s face was a picture of seriousness as she considered. ‘Daddy would be… Um…’

‘He looks like a Bowser type to me,’ Changkyun chimed in, eyes twinkling.

Nic and Muriel both laughed at that and Kihyun jabbed at Muriel’s little side with a finger.

‘Why are you laughing?’ he whined.

‘You snore like Bowser but you’re not a dinosaur, daddy. You’re like Weegi.’

‘Why Luigi?’ he asked, not even ashamed at the pathetic way his voice twinged with disappointment. Nic and Changkyun were both silently laughing but he ignored them. 

Rather than replying, Muriel just pointed to his nose, plopped the pad of her finger against the tip of it and shrugged and that silent laughter from the other two burst into sound. Kihyun slapped a hand over the end of his nose.

‘Mean, Miri!’ he said, faking tears and rubbing his hands over his eyes. ‘That hurts.’

‘It’s true!,’ she shrieked and when Nic began nodding in agreement Kihyun turned to her.

‘Don’t you have work to get to?’ he asked.

‘Oh I do, was just enjoying the show.’ She checked her watch. ‘Dang it, yeah I should definitely go though. Have a fun day. You keep them boys in check, Miri.’

‘Yep!’

‘Good girl,’ Nic winked at her.

‘Bye, mummy!’

‘Bye, nice lady.’

‘Bye, Nic. Love you.’

‘See ya later, alligators.’

Then Nic was out the door. Kihyun leaned down to place Muriel’s feet back on the floor and she ran back over to Changkyun to carry on their game. She flopped down to sit cross legged on the floor next to him, close enough that she was pressed right up against his side. Her cute orange dress luminescent next to those same black clothes he had been wearing the night before. Changkyun was immediately back focussed on their race, didn’t spare Kihyun a second look once Muriel was back in his focus, but Kihyun still felt a twist of discomfort at standing in his pyjamas in front of someone he barely knew. He pulled his robe tighter around himself as Changkyun howled in disappointment when he got hit with a blue shell.

‘Just gonna… go change…’ he mumbled into the room before retreating his way upstairs.

 

It was when his head was half buried into the bobbled up fabric of a comfortable blue jumper that he heard noise behind him. He was facing into his wardrobe, back to the rest of his bedroom and view hidden behind a thick layer of blue. The knock on his door felt like it rang through his head.

‘Only me.’ He heard that distinct low grumble say behind him as he hurried to pull the material the rest of the way down, cover that exposed slither of back.

‘What’s up?’ he asked. He turned around to face Changkyun and it was strange. In the lightness of his bedroom Changkyun was clearly an outlier, dark and sullen, but the contrast of it was pleasant. Kihyun thought his honey skin and black clothes would photograph nicely against those soft pastel walls.

‘I was just wondering.’ Arms crossed as Changkyun fell to lean against the wall. ‘Can I borrow some clothes? We’re about the same size, right?’

‘You wouldn’t like any of my stuff,’ Kihyun said lightly, but he closed the wardrobe door with a kick of a foot so Changkyun couldn’t see inside.

‘I could decide that for myself,’ he said, raised an eyebrow. ‘I like that jumper you’re wearing.’

‘But I’m wearing it.’

‘I noticed.’ He pushed himself off the wall and walked over to the chest of drawers. It was only the drawers Kihyun and Nic kept their t-shirts and pyjamas in but the way Kihyun’s chest tightened when Changkyun’s fingers wrapped around those brass handles it might as well have been full of their biggest secrets. 

‘You don’t just go in someone’s drawers, kid.’

‘We’re past this whole “kid” thing now surely,’ Changkyun replied, but he let go of the dresser handles, the tips of his ears a little red.

‘Have you left Miri alone downstairs?’ Kihyun asked, and he knew Muriel would be fine because she was a smart girl, but a small part of him enjoyed the flutter of panic in Changkyun’s eyes when he asked.

‘Yeah, she’s just doing a solo race, is that okay? I don’t think she’ll move.’

Kihyun laughed. He turned and opened the wardrobe again. He didn’t want Changkyun in his clothes. He didn’t have a reason why. 

‘I take it you want something black?’ he asked over his shoulder.

‘You’re letting me borrow something?

‘Yeah, I guess so. But wash it before you give it back.’

‘Bold of you to assume I know how to do laundry.’

‘You lived on your own for how many years, kid?’

‘Four,’ Changkyun mumbled.

‘Then you know how to do laundry.’

Kihyun routed through his clothes, all neat, arranged in orderly sections in the wardrobe. A smart shirt section full of soft blues, whites and stiff collars, a few blazers, a trousers section all pressed and hung so those neat lines ran perfect down his legs when he wore them. It looked cold outside today, he decided. He chucked a few dark jumpers and long sleeved tops down on the bed.

‘You can wear your own jeans,’ he said when he closed the wardrobe again.

‘Why are you assuming I only wear black?’ Changkyun giggled as he walked over to look at the selection. He sat down next to it all, on Nic’s side of the mattress, and the duvet puckered to meet him, pressed soft around his outline in the quilting. ‘I like this,’ he said, and brought a navy funnel neck top to his chest, the long sleeves were slightly belled and the seams were detailed with pretty black stitching. It was one of Kihyun’s favourites.

He sighed and scratched his head before saying, ‘Take it.’ and the way that Changkyun’s smile broke across his face was like the sun breaking over the horizon, all glowing and pure.

‘Thank you, old man.’ He beamed. He stood and pulled his old jumper over his head without waiting for Kihyun to avert his gaze. It got caught on his chin when he raised his arms over his head and he made an awkward squawk inside the fabric. Kihyun bit at the inside of his mouth to keep from laughing then dropped his gaze to the floor.

‘I’ll go wait downstairs with Miri,’ he said. Started to walk away.

‘Hey, hold on one second,’ Changkyun called to him. Kihyun heard the rustle of material as he managed to free himself from the head hole of that black jumper. 

‘What?’ 

‘I just wanted to show you like. Ah it’s stupid now. I wanted to show you my tats.’

Changkyun was standing next to the bed shirtless, his jumper tossed haphazardly in with the clothes Kihyun had left out for him. His skin was smooth looking, a wash of rich honey. His arms were folded over his stomach and his bottom lip was sucked up into his mouth. Kihyun huffed.

‘Go on then,’ he said.

Changkyun smiled and his bottom lip glistened when it popped from his mouth.

‘Come over here,’ he said. ‘They’re hard to see.’

Kihyun sighed and hesitated before he walked forward and when he stopped in front of Changkyun there were whirlpools swimming in his eyes. Those dimples pocked his round cheeks again.

He unfolded his arms and looked at Kihyun expectantly.

‘What am I supposedly to be seeing?’ Kihyun flicked his eyes down Changkyun’s body.

‘I told you they’re difficult to see,’ he said and it was infuriating how smug he sounded. The gentle clang of his tongue bar against his teeth rung through the room. ‘Look for them.’ 

It was embarrassing to look at his skin in such detail. Kihyun dropped his head down to look at Changkyun’s body. He was smooth, Kihyun couldn’t even see freckles. There was a pleasant stockiness to him, a nice bit of flesh on either side of his hips that hung over the top of the waistband of his jeans, but everything was flat and everything was smooth. Kihyun knew he was blushing. Not specifically because of Changkyun but just because there was so much skin. There was something intimate in how much detail Changkyun was allowing him to see. Without really thinking he stepped to look at his arms, still no ink, he motioned for him to turn around and there was nothing on his back either. He asked Changkyun to turn back around and when they were face to face again Changkyun was smiling and all Kihyun could think was _lighthouse._

_‘_ You can touch me, I’m not made of glass,’ Changkyun said and Kihyun felt like fire. He looked up to the ceiling and willed his face to cool down.

‘Why would I need to touch you?’ he asked, the ceiling light was flickering.

‘I’m not saying you need to,’ Changkyun chuckled.

When he dropped his gaze from where he had been glaring holes into the light shade, Changkyun was staring at him. Kihyun hadn’t noticed how similar in height they were before.

‘You need to look closer,’ Changkyun said, he was smiling, his mouth a little open, and the sun was bouncing off the saliva coating his teeth and the metal in his tongue. He reached forward and wrapped his fingers around Kihyun’s wrist. Kihyun startled at the contact and went to pull away but stopped when he saw the frown threatening to mar Changkyun’s face at his resistance. ‘Is this okay?’

‘I don’t like… touching people,’ Kihyun murmured. Guilt sitting heavy like cement in the pit of his stomach because he knew his aversion to intimacy was always jarring for people getting to know him. ‘But yeah, it’s okay.’

Changkyun moved Kihyun’s hand towards him slowly, maintaining eye contact the entire time to watch for any signs of discomfort in Kihyun’s expression. When fingers made contact with soft, maple skin he felt some of that cement in his stomach crumble. He shuddered on a breath and it sounded like relief. Changkyun had brought his hand to the frame of his ribcage and when Kihyun’s fingers swiped over the skin he could feel the divots between each bone. The fingers that had looped around his wrist guided his hand to the front of his ribcage, to the thin swipe of skin between his chest and stomach. It was textured.

‘You feel it?’ Changkyun asked, that smugness back in his voice, but his eyes were still soft. ‘Look there.’

Kihyun looked as his fingers continued to brush over that bumped skin and his fingers looked so pale in comparison to Changkyun’s stomach. He crouched down a little. 

‘Oh yeah,’ he said. ‘I see it.

It was dots of white ink. White ink on pretty maple skin and the effect was like icing sugar on the surface of a cake because it was visible, but subtle enough that it could easily have been patches of discolouration. There were two sections of it, one under each side of his chest.

‘What are they?’ He swiped the pads of his fingers over them and they felt like goosebumps.

‘It’s Great Bear and Little Bear,’ Changkyun replied as Kihyun stood up straight again, his hand dropping back to his side. ‘You know? Ursa Major and Ursa Minor.’

‘They’re pretty,’ Kihyun said, and he strangely meant it. The way that white ink made it look like the constellations had always been part of his skin. ‘Why them?’

‘Do you know the story of Great Bear and Little Bear?’ Changkyun asked. He seemed satisfied now that Kihyun had found his tattoos and turned to pick up the borrowed navy top. He shrugged it over his head as he spoke.

‘No,’ Kihyun replied. Took a step back because everything suddenly felt too personal again.

‘It’s Greek,’ Changkyun said. ‘Great Bear was one of Zeus’s lovers. She was a human then, duh. But yeah, they were in love. She had a son with Zeus but his wife found out and got jealous and turned her into a bear. When the kid grew up he went hunting in the forest and saw this bear and was going to shoot her with an arrow but Zeus saw and turned him into a little bear too, so he didn’t kill his mother. Then he grabbed them by the tails and threw them into the sky so they would be safe from each other, and from his jealous wife.’ He paused. ‘I don’t know why I like it, I just do. Something about it always resonated with me.’

Kihyun wrapped his arms around his middle. ‘It’s pretty. It’s interesting,’ he muttered. He could still feel those stars on the tips of his fingers. ‘Listen, I’m going to go check on Miri. We’ll leave to go to your bar or wherever when you’re ready.’

‘Yeah,’ Changkyun said, he turned to face away from Kihyun and fold the clothes but Kihyun could see that the tips of his ears were pink. ‘Yeah okay.’

 

_Changkyun felt like constellations_ , Kihyun thought. Couldn’t stop thinking it. Changkyun felt like constellations and those stars were clinging to the tips of his fingers even as he pushed open the grungy door that led into the bar Changkyun worked in.

It was dingy even though it was bright sunlight outside. A big room but there wasn’t much in the centre of it aside from a few pool tables bathed under synthetic hot pink lights. The entirety of the room was lined with comfy looking vinyl booths aside from one wall which housed the long bar. Muriel was immediately fascinated by the bright lights, the neon tubing twisted into fun shapes behind a glass panel on the bar counter wall. She squealed, wriggled her hand free from Kihyun’s, and ran over to trace the outline of a neon green cactus. The noise of it carried through the room and the two guys behind the counter whipped to look at them. One had cherry red hair where the other was a glowing wheat blonde.

‘No minors,’ Cherry Red said at the same time that Wheat Blonde waved excitedly and yelled, ‘Changkyunnie!’

‘I thought you said it was fine to bring Miri,’ Kihyun hissed through his teeth but Changkyun just patted him on the back.

‘It is,’ he said and Kihyun could hear his smirk, ‘Hyunwoo’s just a stickler for the rules since he owns the joint.’

Kihyun sighed but didn’t respond, just walked over to the counter so he could crouch down next to Muriel and see what she was looking at.

‘Look!’ she said, tapping against his shoulder as her finger squeaked tracing around the shape of a neon yellow sun behind the glass. 

He heard footsteps stop behind him and Changkyun said, ‘Look, I’m early.’ to whoever it was behind the bar. Muriel giggled with innocent, shiny red cheeks and peeled herself away from the glass to walk over to Changkyun and stretch her arms up to him, asking for him to lift her. Kihyun stood and ignored the twinge of rejection as he did. It was good she liked the kid. When Changkyun lifted her to rest on his hip his knees clicked.

‘This is Muriel,’ he said, his voice soft like Kihyun hadn’t heard him use before. The guys behind the bar both smiled, one leaned forward and cupped his chin in his hands like he was already completely enamoured with her. 

‘Hi, Muriel,’ they chorused.

‘Muriel, this is Minhyuk,’ Changkyun pointed to the happy, eager one with golden hair. ‘And this is Hyunwoo.’ He pointed to Cherry Red, who was also smiling but standing more reserved, there was something soft and doting in his expression.

‘Hellooo, you can call me Miri,’ she sung out and both of their smiles widened when she did. ‘This is my daddy.’ She pointed to Kihyun.

‘Well hello daddy,’ Minhyuk said, and his eyes raked unashamedly over Kihyun. He felt his skin heat up under that intense gaze.

‘We’re not supposed to have littlies in here, Changkyun,’ the one called Hyunwoo said, but his face was pulled into a frown as though he really didn’t want to be saying it.

‘I’m so sorry,’ Kihyun found himself whining. He glared at Changkyun. ‘He said it wouldn’t be an issue.’

‘It’s not an issue!’ Minhyuk said with a smile. ‘We’re _allowed_ to have kids in here. It just doesn’t happen very often.’

‘Am I breaking rules?’ Muriel asked, her round little mouth pouted as she looked at Changkyun. He smiled at her and tickled her side until the pout fell from her lips to be replaced by a pretty string of giggles.

‘You don’t look like you’ve ever broken a rule in your life,’ Minhyuk said and she agreed with him eagerly.

‘Never ever!’ she yelled to a symphony of amused chuckling.

‘You’re on bar today, Kyun,’ Hyunwoo said after a beat. He began untying the black apron from around his waist and chucked it to him when he got it off. ‘Me and Minnie have got some paperwork shi— junk to sort out in the back office.’ He wrapped an arm around Minhyuk’s waist as he spoke and gripped hard enough that Kihyun could see the indents of his fingers in the flesh of the slender guy’s waist. He averted his gaze without really knowing why.

Changkyun’s whole demeanour sagged and Kihyun had to hide his amusement behind a strategically timed cough. He pressed a hand to Muriel’s back when his sagging almost had her wedged tightly against the wood of the bar top and when he noticed he let out a small ‘oops’ and straightened up again.

‘Am I working bar on my own? You know I hate it.’

‘Nah. Hoseok’s supposed to be starting at the same time as you. Should be here any minute.’

Changkyun dropped to let Muriel back down and she looked sternly up at him the moment her feet touched the ground, arms crossed over the front of her little orange tea dress as he walked around to stand behind the bar and tie the apron Hyunwoo had handed him around his waist.

‘Hey you!’ she said to him and Kihyun snorted because she was so like Nic. So full of fire. Changkyun turned to her, shock and amusement painted across his face. Minhyuk was giggling quietly at her hard expression. ‘I wasn’t ready to be put down.’

‘Oh?’ Changkyun brushed his hands down his front, ‘I’m sorry, Miri. I have to work now.’

‘I tell you what would be fun.’ Minhyuk swooped in for the rescue and the sing-song of his voice was as delicate and happy as a cartoon character. His sunny disposition seemed to radiate from him and Kihyun found it hard to not smile when he spoke. He walked around the bar and crouched down in front of Muriel so that they were eye to eye. She folded her arms again and tried to glare but the corners of her little mouth were twitching with pent up giggles.

‘Do you want to help me choose the music we play today?’ he asked and she was bouncing up and down and nodding in agreement before he’d even finished the question. He smiled wide at her and went to take her little hand before stopping himself and looking up to make eye contact with Kihyun. ‘If that’s okay with your dad, of course.’

‘It’s okay with daddy!’ Muriel said without even looking up at him and Kihyun rolled his eyes with a smile and gave Minhyuk a small nod.

‘Perfect!’ Minhyuk said. He stood up. ‘You okay to start those forms without me?’ he asked Hyunwoo but he was already in the process of walking away, not waiting for an answer as he and Muriel skipped over to the sound system set up in one of the booths.

‘He was just looking for an excuse to get out of paperwork,’ Hyunwoo muttered to himself as he ran a hand through his bright hair and made his way towards a doorway marked ‘Staff Only.’

Changkyun snickered at his retreating figure and turned to Kihyun when the door swung closed. He leaned his elbows on the countertop and accidentally dunked the material of that pretty borrowed top into an unknown spill on the surface. Kihyun's eye twitched.

‘So can I get you a drink, old man?’

‘Do you do coffee?’ 

‘I mean we do,’ Changkyun leaned his face in his hands, his eyes downturned and soft, and Kihyun didn’t know if that gentle tinkle of his eyebrow ring actually sounded but he swore he heard it. ‘But the coffee machine is complicated and I hate using it.’

‘But I want a latte,’ Kihyun said with grin and Changkyun whinged but spun on his heels to face the coffee machine. ‘Oh um, kid?’

‘Yeah?’ he called over his shoulder.

‘Can I get soy milk please. And a juice for Miri.’

‘Yeah, of course.’ He wiped down the nozzle to steam the milk and pressed the coffee grounds into the filter before locking it in place. The loud sound of the machine frothing filled the bar area, shortly followed by the pleasant smell of coffee that diluted the harshness of lingering stale beer that had been clinging to Kihyun’s nostrils since they’d first walked in. 

When Changkyun worked he seemed to do it quietly, Kihyun noticed. He was going through the motions smoothly but his head always seemed to be pointing away from his task; as he filled the unremarkable ceramic cup with milk his head was pointed firmly in the direction of the window showing a distorted view of the front street. The drink never overflowed though.

‘Here,’ Changkyun placed the cup, saucer and all, in front of Kihyun and then reached under the counter and pulled out a juice box. Kihyun went to pull a note from his wallet but Changkyun stopped him with a hand over his, ‘First one’s on the house,’ he said before he pulled his hand away again. It was only a brief contact but Kihyun was proud of himself for not flinching away. For not feeling constellations blush up on the backs of his hands.

‘So how long is your shift? We supposed to be hanging around with you here all day?’ Kihyun asked, went to lift the latte to his mouth but the cup was so hot that he reconsidered.

‘What are you talking about? Muriel’s having a great time,’ Changkyun said with a smile, he gestured over to where her and Minhyuk were singing like eager parrots along with the sound system. Kihyun smiled too. ‘I finish at five though. You don’t have to stay the whole time. The place starts to pick up towards the end of my shift and you don’t seem like a dad who’d be down with Miri being around a load of people drinking. Plus, I know you wanted to take her to that café.’

‘Yeah no if it starts getting busy we’re leaving,’ Kihyun murmured, tracing rings in the condensation on his saucer.

‘Knew it.’

The music Muriel had chosen was this soft, happy pop song. It was a pretty voice, on the cusp between masculine and feminine and Kihyun hadn’t heard it before but he wanted to sing along, partly because Muriel had chosen it but also because he prided himself on the high lilt of his singing voice. The way others didn’t expect the pretty sounds that came out of him on the rare occasion he let anyone hear.

Changkyun started wiping down the counter. He smudged that unknown blotch off its surface with a citrusy smelling cleaner, rubbed in with a wodged up bundle of kitchen roll. Over in the booth, Muriel was standing on the seat and her laughter was so loud Kihyun could hear it from across the room, her orange dress was as bright as the lightbulbs and Minhyuk seemed to be feeding off her happy energy too, smiling just as happily as her. Kihyun pushed himself off from where he was leaning against the counter, picked up his saucer and the juice box, and left Changkyun to it with a small nod of acknowledgement. He sped over to Muriel and placed the juice down in front of her and she giggled as she took it.

‘Thank you,’ she said. When she stabbed the foil tip with the end of the straw the juice squeezed out like a fountain to spill onto the already sticky looking vinyl. 

‘If you want another one, you just have to ask Changkyun, okay? He’ll get you one,’ Kihyun said, he brushed some of her soft, brown hair from where it had fallen in front of her eyes.

‘Okay!’

He smiled briefly at Minhyuk and mouthed a _thank you_ that was returned with a modest bat of a hand, before walking away from the two of them and finding his own booth in solitude. Miri looked happy, he didn’t want to spoil her fun.

It was strange to be in someone else’s comfort zone, to be away from the repetitiveness of his own routine. As Kihyun sat down, scooched his way around the booth until his back was to the wall and he could see both the bar and Miri, he thought the sound of his jeans squeaking against the unfamiliar seats sounded screaming protests. But those protests were interrupted by the happy tune of Muriel’s singing and the corners of his mouth twitched to smile at the sound.

Kihyun hated routine and yet somehow he seemed stuck in one. He was seaweed caught in a gently flowing current because he followed along with whatever trajectory his life seemed to be taking. Because it was simple. Because routine, however dull, meant no hassle. The only risk he’d ever taken was Nic, and that was mainly because Nic hadn’t left him much choice in the matter. His sister had been pissed when he told her that he was dating her best friend but not shocked. Apparently, Nic had told her she had a crush on him after the first time they met. Awkward sixteen year olds sharing dinner at the Yoo family table.

He found himself watching Changkyun work again. The gentle way he wiped over that dark bar top was something he couldn’t quite wrap his head around because for someone who hated working bar so much, he was attentive. Kihyun saw him put the rag down only to pick it back up moments later to wipe up something he’d missed.

Kihyun took a sip of coffee and it was still too hot, the tip of his tongue singed on contact with it. He watched Changkyun go to wipe his brow only to slap himself in the face with the wet cloth and spluttered on the drink trickling into his mouth from the ceramic between his parted lips. The kid was an idiot. Still a beacon. A lighthouse drawing Kihyun’s gaze, but he was less this unbelievable, mysterious debris that had washed up on the neighbour’s porch. More someone who just seemed a little lost. Like the last bee at the end of summer; holding on but not quite thriving. Even relaxed and away from his parents he seemed enshrouded in this sadness that Kihyun just couldn’t quite place and Kihyun didn’t know what to do about it. So he did nothing. Sat there and giggled into his cup as Changkyun scrunched up his face at the dirty water slicking down his forehead.

_It was alright_ , Kihyun reminded himself when his head threatened to try and relate to whatever unknown sadness he'd assumed Changkyun was dealing with.  _For now, everything was alright._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, This is only like half of what was supposed to be this whole chapter and I'm really sorry about that. I have been powering on with this chapter for ages but for some reason it's been really slow and I didn't want to keep people waiting any longer. That's why this has kind of ended up as this weird nothing chapter with barely any story progression. I promise it's all set up for stuff that will be story in the next chapter but I'm still sorry that THIS chapter isn't more interesting despite the long wait. 
> 
> Quick FYI: I'm not going to be able to update this as frequently as I want to after this (not just this, all stories). That's because I'm about to start a new full time job abroad so it's a huge lifestyle change and I'm a slow writer already as an unemployed graduate. Please be patient with me though because as slow as the updates may be, I am NOT giving up on this story, I love writing it and I love it when other people love it.
> 
> I will try and write what was supposed to happen in this chapter quite quick and maybe it will be uploaded as a small section in its own chapter or maybe it will get formed into the beginning of the next I'm not sure yet. Is it obvious I was panicking about how long it had been since I last updated this? :')
> 
> Thank you so much for reading, please let me know what you think I love getting feedback and always try to respond <3 
> 
> Also, would people be interested in me linking my tumblr so if you wanna ask something/just chat with me about something story related you can? Never mind I'm just gonna do it. If you wanna talk to me on tumblr the link is [here](http://sunshinedisaster.tumblr.com/) please feel free to come talk to me.

**Author's Note:**

> Please let me know what you think because I'm honestly so excited about finally releasing this!


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